Survive vs. Thrive

The two words that come to my mind this morning when I think of birth are survive vs. thrive. One carries with it possible aspects of trauma and the other sets itself free to experience the grace that colors a birth met with reverence. Both take us to our sea...the sea of birth...but one deals with politics, personality, and judgement...the other with poetry, reverence, and soul. One keeps us in the shallows...the other forces us into our depths.

Surviving birth would look a lot like it sounds...crawling on hands and knees in the darkness (which you might do anyways, so wouldn't you want someone there holding a space for you to safely wander?)...the mind spinning out of control, paralyzing you and preventing you from diving into your birth (this too you might do, so why not have someone there who can gently remind you that you are exactly where you need to be...and then softly swoon you into your birth ocean?)...perhaps even forgetting all that you thought you learned in your childbirth preparation class, and feeling a sense of failure (this too is a possibility, so don't you want someone there who can remind you of tools and "tricks" so you can forget?) In the old days, when tribal communities still thrived, you would not have had to remember anything. Your job was to be pregnant and labor. Nothing else. No worries of building up your blood in pregnancy, where to birth, what to bring to the birth, what to eat, what to do, or how to do it. A group of women, most of whom were probably still lactating, would come together to provide you with everything under the sun...including psychological/emotional support, aromatherapy, and an immediate, physical connection to your female ancestors, to those who had gone before you! What juicy energy to have around you as you experience pregnancy and bring new life into the world. But that doesn't exist so much today. Perhaps not at all, at least not in that form. Today, we must create this sort of thing for ourselves.

By surviving birth, you open yourself to the wishes and dreams of others for you and your birth. Interventions sometimes become a reality, not out of necessity, but out of fear...fear not born of you, but born from others' agreements with birth and life. I do feel I need to say that your birth will be whatever it needs to be for you. Not for your personality, but for your soul. Your birth wants to take you deeper. Open you to patterns and ideas that will not serve you in life. By giving up your birth spirit to others, you unconsciously decide to possibly suffer through birth instead of simply "experiencing" your birth, with all it's twists and turns. You stand to lose so many moments of love and learning that will ultimately take you deeper into yourself...deeper into your birth...deeper into your river...deeper into your soul.Wouldn't it be nice to have someone there who could guard your birth space, filtering out the fears of others, thereby creating a space for you to experience your own birth psychology free from the cloudiness of another?

A survival mentality breeds opportunity for trauma. Because we are so vulnerable in birth, trauma can sneak in when we least expect it. The soft animal of our body is exposed. If we are not careful to spin a cocoon of support around us, trauma can shoot it's arrows right into our gut, burying deeply into our experience. Trauma often acts as a sort of black hole...sucking up and stealing our sense of sacredness and connectivity...weaving a veil of darkness over the many moments of light and love that filled our birth, disguising them as thieves in the night. We feel like bits and pieces of our birth...the birth that we really wanted...got taken from us. A sense of failure sets in to further spin us into a web of sorrow, denial, and confusion.

Thriving in birth begins from day one...literally. What agreements did you make about life while still inside of your mother? How were you brought into this world? What was your first birth story/experience? How are you experiencing pregnancy? How are you eating for your body and baby? How are you supporting your organs and blood? What are your beliefs about birth? What are your agreements about sound, movement, sensuality, intimacy, and sacredness? Are you approaching birth with reverence...with your soul...or with your personality and perhaps a false sense of self? "The soul is. It has no beginning and no end but flows toward wholeness. The personality emerges as a natural force from the soul. It is an energy tool that the soul adapts to function within the physical world...The personality does not operate independently from the soul. To the extent that a person is in touch with spiritual depths, the personality is soothed because the energy of consciousness is focused on its energy core and not on its artificial facade, which is the personality." Whatever you bring to the table...all of your beliefs...fill your bowl...they represent your personality. If you arrive at birth with a bowl that is overflowing with ideas, expectations, and fears, you stand to miss out on what birth has to offer you...opening you to the experience of your soul. There is no room in your bowl for grace...for birth magic...for birth mystery and transformation. Thriving in birth would mean emptying your bowl completely, allowing birth to move you like a river to your own river...your soul. This takes preparation, meditation, and reverence. "Reverence is an attitude of honoring Life...The cycles of Life need to be approached with reverence. The unfolding of Life, the maturation process, the process of growing through and coming into your own empowerment, is a process that needs to be approached with reverence." As it relates to birth, "reverence is contact with the essence of" each moment, "it is contact with the interior of its beingness. Even if you cannot sense the interior, it is enough to know that the form, the shell (the events within your birth), is merely an outer layer, and that underneath it lies the true power and essence" of who you are, or what a moment truly represents. "That is what is honored in reverence." Hunting your mind, your practices, and your heart during pregnancy, and learning to empty your bowl is a crucial part of thriving in birth!

Thriving means experiencing birth with non-judgement. For instance, you experience a contraction...you have one of two choices: 1. you can spin a story around the sensation, i.e. "this sucks...I want out...I'm dying...I can't do this...what have I gotten myself into, etc.," or 2. you honor what is coming up for you, i.e. "I feel pain, I am scared, I want to moan," and you become the act of moaning, singing your baby down and closer to being out...taking one contraction at a time...blowing away the one before...allowing the next one to come with new eyes. This is just one of a bazillion examples, but one response vs. the other makes the difference of experiencing suffering vs. experiencing pain/sensation...sucking your energy vs. directing your energy towards progress. How might this same idea apply to intervention or "unwanted" events/transitions in birth?

Thriving also entails support. Without support, you have no witness. No one to hold a space for you to explore your ocean. Authentic support looks a lot like sun rays. Sun rays that reach down to you while you prowl your depths...sun rays that reach down within what might seem like weeds and unfathomable darkness, gently shifting patches of luminous color. At times you may feel alone, but alas you are not. At times you may wonder where you are, and then the lantern of your birth sherpa appears. You may feel afraid, but then suddenly comforted by the validation of your witness. Fears may arise, but are transposed into guiding light by the soothing sound of a familiar voice. Surprises pop up that are perhaps scary, but then morph into healing balm for our soul, as we feel safe to experience such in the arms of our guide. Having support allows you to explore yourself in birth. I liken it to this...the ocean is vast, with it's inner most depths offering up the very basics of life. At the deepest points, there is life beyond measure...but life in its most primal state. No eyes or ears are necessary to thrive. The 5 senses become useless. Energetic vibrations and their consequent effects fuel this underworld...filling it with lifeforms that feel their way through existence. With all that being said, we have only explored about 1% of the ocean. Now I ask you...is this how you want to live? Swimming around in the 1% of your ocean? Is this how you want to birth? Limiting yourself to a 5 sensory birth experience? What about the other 99% of you? Will you allow your birth to open you to yourself? To gently call you into your depths? Birth is a force that has the power to do this! Will you remain on your shore...wallowing around in the sand...or will you take courage and allow this "force" to move you out of old currents and into new?

No matter how you experience birth, you will continually process your birth throughout your entire lifetime! This is the power of birth. It is a "force" that alters "uniform motion!" As you process, relive, and move through the moments of your birth, your discoveries will "illuminate both inner and outer experiences, physical and nonphysical dynamics" that can be seen both as darkness and light...transposed into your life as hardness or softness...opening you to as sense of wholeness or a sense of splintered-ness.

The support that you receive during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are integral aspects of your birth experience. How you integrate your birth experiences into your life experience is deeply affected by your system of support. And remember, your partner is giving birth as well! Your partner needs support too, for birth will transform them as well...calling them to their depths, just as you are called to yours! You both need to thrive. Leaning on your partner alone can push you both into survival mode! This is only natural.

Give yourself the gift of support! Hire a birth sherpa! Prepare in awareness...not just practically, but also soulfully. Approach birth slowly, reverently, and wholeheartedly. Choose a childbirth class that provides a sense of intimacy and fertile ground for self discovery. Don't short yourself here. Open yourself to postpartum support...plan ahead for your "4th trimester!" Move through your pregnancy in consciousness...seeking out your depths. Perhaps doing some birth art might be helpful. Check in with an herbalist who can assist you with building your blood and body for birth. Suki is my go-to! Role play and inform yourself. How would you remain reverent, connected, and sacred in the midst of intervention? Dive into the aspects of birth that you want to avoid. Empty your bowl bit by bit.

There are many other things you can do, but to close for today, cry whenever you feel the need. Let your tears flow. This act alone will soften you to your truth...opening you to the most beautiful of all worlds...the world inside of you!

Sun rays to you...to your beautiful, dynamic, multi-sensory other 99%.

Calling to you,

Betsy
Mother Chi Birthing

*All words in quotation are those of Gary Zukav from The Seat of the Soul*