Blessingway vs. Baby Shower

Part of shifting paradigms within a culture or community involves small, but powerful shifts in the completely opposite direction.

One way that you can begin to plant seeds of change in your birth community is to offer up or ask for something very different from the usual "baby shower" that we give or receive with all the best intentions. Our materialistic culture puts a lot of weight on the "things" that we receive for our little ones and not enough weight on the support that we need to emotionally and spiritually thrive in pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

In general, we want to make sure that we have everything we could possible need to nurture, raise, and pamper our children. What we tend to forget is that our children need us...our undivided attention...our resourcefulness and creativity with what we already have...our emotional health... and our energy and vibrational strength...not "things." Do they need the swing? Not really. Swings tend to distract babies from their feelings, and in the event that they do enjoy the occassional swing, borrowing a used swing is a practical and money-saving option! Do they need the bouncy seat? Not really. They much prefer being swaddled close to mother or father...perhaps worn in a wrap or propped up on a pillow on the floor. Without all the bouncing, they can focus more clearly on shapes, shadows, colors, and textures. If you decide that you want a seat to simply prop baby up in a more upright position, borrow one! These seats are typically used very little and end up in the attic or closet. I'm sure there is a mother in your community who would gladly lend you a seat. Again, practical and money-saving. So you get the picture.

The paradigm shift that I am proposing would change the focus of baby celebrations from outward and materialistic to inward, spiritual, and reverent. Whittling down your list of "must haves" to the very basics is a start, borrowing and trading these "must haves" is a second, and shifting the "baby shower" focus from "things" to "blessings" is last but not least.

A Blessingway is a gathering where those who are invited show up to celebrate mother and baby through reverent and mindful acts of love and blessing. It is a ritual designed to connect mother and baby more deeply, surround mother and baby with energetic light and love, and bless their birth with special offerings of kindness that plant supportive seeds of absolute presence, intimacy, safety, and sacredness.

The Navajo began this ritual, taking two nights to honor the pregnant mother through dance, song, story, and body blessings including but not limited to hair braiding, body painting, warm oil massage, herbal rubs, energy work, foot baths, and birth art. Through these special acts the community would call forth ancestral and animal spirits, blessing the mother by invoking her primal side...opening her mind to those who had gone before, and expanding her birth space with positive energy, good fortune, and grace. This spiritual approach paved the way for the mother to experience birth as a rite of passage, in her own way, in her own time, at her own pace.

Birth was mother and baby centered, honoring the colorful, creative, and feeling nature of the right brain...not materially or socially centered, elements that activate the left brain, the side of the brain that will not serve us in birth. The mother's emotional, spiritual, and psychological journey was paramount to all else. The health and spiritual well-being of the vessel, the mother, equaled the health and spiritual well-being of the community as a whole.

Elements of a modern Blessingway might be:

• Birth Bead Blessings
• Foot Bath Rituals
• Henna Art
• Belly Casting
• Hair Braiding
• Song and Poetry
• Drum Circles
• Dancing
• Labyrinth Drawing
• Birth Sculpture Design
• Belly Painting
• Aromatherapy Blessings
• Nature/Lantern Walk
• Story Telling

Learn more about Blessingways!

You can probably see how easy it would be to incorporate certain aspects of a Blessingway into a traditional baby shower. I like to at least offer up the "birth bead blessing" in place of the typical "games" that are usually presented. How much more delicious would the mother feel by receiving a bead and a blessing from each of her loved ones vs. having everyone guess how big around she is! Eek!

Plant seeds of awareness dear beautiful women. Love your sisters. Hold a space for our mothers to enter birth with a deeper sense of ritual and reverence. Encircle your beloved mothers-to-be with energy and frequency...gently raising the overall vibration of her birth experience. Call our mothers to empty their bowls...to open themselves to each moment of their birth...to ask grace to enter into their experience. This is how we begin to heal our broken world. Just as the Navajo believed, each birth, how each child is brought into our world determines the health of our communities as a whole.

With blessings,

Betsy

If you are in the Durham NC area, and want to honor a mother with a Blessingway, contact Betsy as she initiates and performs Blessingway ceremonies in her community.